Guilty Wishes
by Stephy-Lou Clark-Weasley
Summary: he has four children. three of them he can't help but feel guilt because he'll forever hide something about them from them. another he just wishes he could tell everything to. Gaius Centric fic.


His first child was a five year old ebony black haired and pale skinned young girl. Her eyes were wide and big taking in every inch of the castle. Her little fingers were holding tightly to her mother's dress as she hid behind the woman. She was terrified, terrified of Uther, terrified of the knights, terrified of the servants and terrified of him. Apparently she had been suffering terrible nightmares and her mother wants him to check her over and subscribe her something so everyone in the castle can sleep. Apparently the child had even woken Uther with her screaming.

He bent down and picked her up, she stiffened and stared at him with such fear. He then sat her on his work bench and kneeled before her.

"Hello, my name is Gaius what is your name little one?" he asked her softly.

"Morgana" she whispered. "Morgana Le Fay"

"A beautiful name for a beautiful child" Gaius said "now Morgana can you tell me about your dreams"

"They're terrible" she whispered looking at her hands. "So much blood, so much death, so much pain, so much fear..." a tear fell down her cheek and he wiped it off with his finger.

"I have a tonic that can help." He said gently. "If I make it for you will you promise to drink it every night?"

She nodded and had kept that promise for the rest of her life.

Over the years the child began to confide in him about her dreams. She said that her father was soon to die and he did two months later in battle, Uther had then adopted her to be his daughter, Ingrain – Uther's wife – had not yet conceived and the seven year old was most charming, she could be heir to the throne if the worst comes to the worse. She grew and grew to become a beautiful young woman who was thoughtful, intelligent and loving.

She had become his daughter in many ways and he had always felt guilty about hiding the fact she is a seer from her. But if he didn't Uther might have her killed whether or not she is his daughter in everything but blood.

His second child was a golden haired boy. The most angelic baby who grew to be the most devilish child. Gaius knew that this baby was conceived by magical means and no matter how hard both he and Nimuah worked Ingrain died. Uther so anguished, so hurt, so angry began to kill every sorcerer, sorceress, enchanter, enchantress, warlock, witch, druid...Nimuah had to run and that just left Gaius and the wet nurse to see the baby's needs.

The baby was named Arthur and while Uther only oversaw Arthur's needs it was Gaius that took the fatherly role. The one that scorned and rewarded the one that cleaned wounds and gave comforting embraces, the one that took the boy out for sneaky fun trips and occasionally tucked the child in bed.

"Sometimes..." Arthur whispered one time when Gaius was cleansing a gash on his knee. "Sometimes...I wish you were my daddy"

Arthur grew to be stubborn and arrogant but he still had that softer side hidden. Before Merlin, Gaius would be the only one to see that softer side...now everyone does. Gaius see's that boy has his own son and he feels guilty that he is hiding the secrets of how Arthur was conceived.

His third child was a young girl with dark skin and dark hair. Guinevere, he had seen her around the market many times before running and playing at being a boy. She was not the type to sit around and be quiet. She once had an accident that involved a sword and was carried to his rooms by her distraught father who had only gotten over his wife's death.

Gaius worked hard on the wound and managed to save the child. But she had to spend two months in his spare room just to recover. They got to know each other. She preferred to be called Gwen, she missed her mother and wished that her father could spend more time with her, she likes to cook and sew but she loves having her own adventures. She dreams to be a knight but she'll settle to be a knight's wife if it meant she could join in on the adventures.

Gaius in return taught her how to read and write, taught her sciences and medicine, taught her how to make a good porridge. By the time she was allowed to leave his rooms her dreams had changed from being a knight to a physician and she had many times assisted him with his work before she was employed by Morgana.

Gwen had become his second daughter...but he'll always feel the guilt of hiding the fact the sword wound had made her barren and she'll never conceive a child.

His last child was a surprise. A young teenage boy who was a warlock by nature, sent by his own sister for protection. He had nephew to look after, a nephew to teach. Merlin...oh Merlin what a little troublemaker, worse than Arthur and Gwen put together. The amount of times Merlin had been put in the stocks...well Gaius would have been a rich man if Uther paid him each time he put Merlin in the stocks.

Despite the boy's idiocy and fumbling nature, Merlin was such a hero with such good intentions. If Arthur knew just how many times Merlin saved his life he would be on his knees in gratitude...well somewhere secret where no one else can see.

Gaius enjoyed Merlin's company, he enjoyed teaching the boy and Merlin soon became his son. Gaius felt no guilt this bond, mostly because Merlin knew everything about himself, Gaius had no reason to hide anything about Merlin to Merlin.

Though sometimes he wished he could tell Merlin all of his own secrets.

He stands there in his rooms looking out of the window, it had snowed the night before and out there in the courtyard his four children wrapped up warmly were laughing and throwing snowballs at one another.

They were his children and he was their father. He only wished there was so little guilt about it.


End file.
